Haven’t posted in a bit, been crazy busy with life. Life is good! It is almost spring, which means, birds chirping, flowers and trees blooming, and of course baseball! How fun is that baseball season.
I am working diligently with my first 2 courses, and actually finished all assignments and tests 3 weeks early. The courses were hard, but not extremely. I was more worried about managing life around school once again. I am still not completely convinced that I want to continue or finish an NP degree. My current position would benefit greatly from it, however the clinicals that start in June terrify me. I just am not ready to work 16 hours more a week, even if it is for a short time.
I am working for a startup company and that is extremely time consuming. Not to mention we are adding other service models to the company that will require even more of my time and oversight. I dearly love my job, more than any job I’ve held to date. I actually work very long hours and most of the time do not even realize it, as it doesn’t feel much like ‘work’. That is an amazing feeling. I feel like I’ve found my place, career speaking. However, nothing is forever, and time changes all things, so I will always continue to reach for more and look ahead to the years to come.
We have booked our Florida vacation trip for spring break. My oldest son will be 18 and a senior this year, so it may in fact be our last family trip. Getting everyone together proves to be increasingly difficult. Life changes, always. We must be accepting of the changes whether or not we agree with them or even care for them. I am still coming to terms with having three teenagers, and one that will be going off to college very soon. It almost does not seem real or even possible, but that is life.
I am coming to terms with my mothers death. It has been the hardest for me to adjust to. This time last year I was spending every free moment I had with her before she left this world. I would paint her nails (that was her favorite thing to do). We would just sit and talk for hours, about nothing and everything, and try to regain some lost time. Over the years she’d been in and out of my life due to her addiction and manipulative behaviors. It is much easier to get over a death that brings no leftover baggage. The very last time I saw her, I hugged her, told her I loved her, and she just sat and cried. It was such a tragic day, but that is all I have now. Most people hang on every word of a dying loved ones, to know what as the very last. I can remember typing short quotes into my phone while sitting by my father-in-laws bed as he was passing, trying to cherish and remember every moment. My grandmother on her death bed made sure to tell me how special my husband is and to always treat him well. My mother left me with guilt, hurt, and no closure at all. It is better each passing month, but just very difficult. I hope to use what I’ve went through to help others. I want only good to come of something so bad.
Stay tuned for the Florida pics and posts, as I’m sure we will have a blast, and I’ll want to share it with the world. I also plan to just relax and have that time to blog. Happy almost spring and stay healthy!